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  1. #1
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    Economics explained---


    SOCIALISM
    You have 2 cows.
    You give one to your neighbour.

    COMMUNISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and gives you some milk.

    FASCISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and sells you some milk.

    NAZISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and shoots you.

    BUREAUCRATISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell one and buy a bull.
    Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
    You sell them and retire on the income.

    SURREALISM
    You have two giraffes.
    The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
    Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

    ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows.
    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
    The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
    The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
    You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
    No balance sheet provided with the release.
    The public then buys your bull.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

    A GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
    You decide to have lunch.

    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
    You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

    A SWISS CORPORATION
    You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
    You charge the owners for storing them.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have 300 people milking them.
    You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
    You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You worship them.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Both are mad.

    AN IRAQI CORPORATION
    Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
    You tell them that you have none.
    No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
    You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Business seems pretty good.
    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    The one on the left looks very attractive.
















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  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Hilarious

    Extremely funny "G" man, damn near wet myself reading. Awesome...Dano

  3. #3
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    Yeah,i like it!

    cheers


    waff

  4. #4
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    LOL

  5. #5
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    more ecconomics for beginners

    It is the month of August in a resort town that sits next to the shores of
    a lake. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is
    tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

    Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays two
    £50 pound notes on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms
    upstairs in order to pick one.


    The hotel proprietor takes the two £50 pound notes and runs to pay his debt to
    the butcher.


    The Butcher takes the two £50 pound notes, and runs to pay his debt to the pig
    farmer.


    The pig farmer takes the two £50 pound notes, and runs to pay his debt to the
    supplier of his feed and fuel.


    The supplier of feed and fuel takes the two £50 pound notes and runs to pay
    his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her
    "services" on credit.


    The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the two £50 pound notes
    to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she
    brought her clients there.


    The hotel proprietor then lays the two £50 pound notes back on the counter so
    that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.


    At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms,
    and takes his two £50 pound notes, after saying that he did not like any of the
    rooms, and leaves town.


    No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and
    looks to the future with a lot of optimism.


    And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United Kingdom Government is
    trying to do business today, with no money of their own.


  6. #6
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    very very good ,, and how fu@>ing true..

    Nick

 

 

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