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  1. #1
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    The Attorney and the Witness

    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ______________________________ ______________

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ______________________________
    _____________

    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    ______________________________ ______________

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ______________________________ ______

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

    WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
    ______________________________ _____________

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
    ______________________________ ___________

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception

    (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Getting laid
    ______________________________ ___________ ___

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.,,,,,,,,,, Can I get a new attorney?
    ______________________________ ______________

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    ______________________________ ______________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town I'm going with male.
    ______________________________ _______

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. ______________________________ ___________

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
    What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    ______________________________ ___________

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..
    ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    ______________________________ ______________

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
    ______________________________ ________

    And the best for last:

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No .
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law..


  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Lancashire,England
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    Not bad at all Jeeensy!

    best

    waff

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    Oct 2008
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    haha very good

    regards lee

 

 

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