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I challenge you to make me laugh

When I was round my daughters house the weekend I asked my Son-in-Law if i could borrow his newspaper
he said......"we don't do that old school stuff in this house, here use my iPad"




That fly never knew what hit him !!
 
Hazard Fraught. I think I'm going to get the Cordless electric hammer and the laser guided paint brush!
 

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This might have been duplicated before, but here goes nothing:

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. The bartender is watching him and starts to wonder why he hasn't moved in more towards the bar. He starts to wonder if he needs a hand in coming in because he doesn't look familiar at all. So as he goes to the end of the bar to go help the blind man, he watches in horror as the blind man picks up his dog by his hind quarters and twirls him around 360 degrees. The bartender seeing this runs and grabs the dog saying "What in the world were you doing to the dog, you may of hurt him!" The blind man says "Sorry, I was just taking a look around!"
 
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Early hours this morning I had to get up and use the toilet,on my way I looked out of the landing window and noticed a Pakistani stood in next doors garden..suddenly from nowhere my next door neighbour hit him on the head with a shovel,killing him!...he then dug a hole with the shovel and buried him!...I went back to bed and the wife asked 'what's the matter? you're shaking like a leaf'...I answerd her ' you're not going to believe what I just saw'.....'that muppet next door has still got my shovel'
 
All aircraft flying in the Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian defence radar a 10 minute heads up and give details of the aircraft,type destination etc,,,,,

Iranian defence radar,,,,,UNIDENTIFIED AIRCRAFT YOU ARE IN IRANIAN AIRSPACE IDENTIFY YOURSELF,
reply,,,,I AM IN IRAQI AIRSPACE,
IDR,,,,,,IDENTIFY YOURSELF OR WE WILL SEND UP INTERCEPTORS,
reply,,,,THIS IS A UNITED STATES AIR FORCE FA 18, SEND THEM UP I'LL WAIT,
IDR,,,,,,complete silence,
 
163959242653584109_LQSbDYYS_c.jpg
 
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For a minute there I thought it was going a different way, and the author was a girl. Well in reality, I was hoping it was going that way.
 
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
Where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain ... a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow.
 
:banghead: I was going to use the one up-chucking in response, but I guess this will do. Cheers, Bruce.
 
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